I use my social media platforms and blog to share my wisdom, knowledge and personal experiences to help others. In an effort to be as relatable as I can I believe it’s important to not only share the incredible highs in my life but also some of the lower moments. For females low body positivity or body image can weigh heavily on our feelings of self worth. We are all human, we all struggle and we all have days where our body image is at rock bottom. Tune in, I’m about to tell you about one of those days.
Body image and clothing
This takes a lot of self acceptance of the situation but I feel it’s something many people can resonate with. Just like the average Joe I want to look and feel my best, but as an athlete I have external expectations for weight and skin folds. I also have societal pressures to look a certain way as an athlete which can negatively impact on my body image. I have found recently that this has caused some uneasiness in my self love approach. It is becoming increasingly challenging to balance my want to accept myself but also the expectation for athletes to look a certain way.
The issues with my evil jeans
In addition to these new thoughts are the existing issues with finding clothes to fit my build. Anyone who has even a slightly athletic build can feel my pain that the fashion industry is essentially focused around skinny, 5ft 10 models and not 5 ft 3 athletes. Most of my pants or shorts are stretchy and most of my shirts need to be one size bigger to accommodate my lats, shoulders and biceps. I have one pair of jeans that are an exception to this rule. I bought them whilst overseas and they are actual denim material rather than stretchy. They are a tight fit in all my usual problem areas (i.e. thighs and butt) and have rips that match current trends of course (I’m not totally anti fashion).
- I wear them on occasion but really they are just my guide for how my size is tracking. “Tracking” how my body changes is a sure fire way to decrease my body image. Our bodies are not designed to stay the same. Particularly not compared to 22 year old Georgia who had only just started to include functional weights.
- They are also shockingly a size 5 US/8 AUS so I wear them with this disbelief that I am also a size 8. Let’s be real, I haven’t been a size 8 since I was 14 and am a comfortable size 10. Using a clothing size to determine how I feel about my body is a concept of “diet culture”, we are so much more than a number!
- Lastly these jeans aren’t even those exceptional ones that make your butt look good or hold you in. They are poor fitting for my build, uncomfortable and sit at hip level, the perfect muffin top pant. For anyone with a booty we know hip level jeans mean butt crack central.
The incident
After a weekend where I was very social with my eating habits, not enough sleep, and at the start of my period (TMI sorry but necessary) I was feeling bloated, lethargic and and with a negative body image. For some reason I packed these unforgiving jeans to wear after the gym. Maybe I wanted to magically fit into them and have remarkable gratification that the weekend hadn’t impacted my body. When I pulled them on I instantly felt so uncomfortable. I put on my big puffy jacket to hide my possible butt crack and tried to stifle tears in the change rooms. Ryan and I were getting lunch and he is always very receptive to my moods. He attempted to comfort my sour, sulky demeanour. After I ate some delicious, healthy food I felt a bit better but as we went back to the car horror struck. As I squeezed to sit down whilst avoiding hitting the door on the car next to me, the resistance on the rips on my quad could hold no longer and the material split apart. I also spilled my coffee. The spilled coffee should have been the most traumatic part of the scenario.
Looking back on the situation I can’t help but laugh. Poor Ryan tried to help the situation but no words could cover my clear disappointment. I cried most of the drive home. I felt no self love, my body image was rock bottom and I wondered how I would get myself out of this hole. I’m a pretty positive person so to be feeling so down heartened is always a shock to my spritely system. As soon as we got home I took the jeans off . I was soon comforted by Ryan who of course knew exactly what to say. He said “I think you’re beautiful and I don’t like those jeans anyway. I don’t think you need to change but if you feel you do, you know how to do it”. He is a wise old Yoda my Ryan. I’d like to report to you that after some R&R I felt great, but the truth is I spent the rest of the day wallowing in self pity.
How to implement body kindness in a world full of evil jeans
The good news is that with time I managed to feel a little better about myself and my body image. I threw the jeans into the op shop pile and focused on finding a bit more love and positive thinking. This included doing things that make me happy. Knowing when you need self care is so important. Avoiding actually getting that low to begin with is more productive. Here are some important points to remember when your body image is feeling low;
- Stop self sabotaging! What I mean by this is knowing that a particular action or behaviour isn’t serving you and consciously deciding to do it anyway. Like wearing jeans that make you feel horrible or buying jeans that don’t fit in the first place. We have this illusion that buying items as goals will inspire us to fit into them. Unfortunately a closet full of items that don’t fit decreases our motivation and makes us feel pretty lousy.
- Create an environment that fosters body positivity; These include keeping having health food pre-prepared to nourish your body, clothes that fit properly, positive body affirmations in plain sight and removing media that negatively impacts you. I suggest a social media cleanse. Any accounts that make you feel bad about your body pr that it should change need to be un-followed. It is easier to change our environment than our habits.
- Learn to accept yourself. Your body is designed to constantly change. You will not be the same from 18 to 50. The age old saying is “it’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey”. What we learn from ourselves as we go through life is more valuable than achieving any goal. Wanting to change our bodies does not provide happiness once we hit a certain dress size or body weight. This is an illusion of diet culture. What does provide us joy is accepting the body we live in and enjoying the life we live.
- Surround yourself with beautiful support. I am so lucky that I am surrounded by supportive people. A support network is integral for our mental health. Bringing people along with your journey means you have an accountability partner, a shoulder to cry on or just someone who can help make life easier. Anyone can be your support network but try and align yourself with those who have your best interest at heart.
In hindsight my evil jean experience is actually quite funny. Even Ryan had a hilarious recount. It’s near impossible to try and comfort someone having an off day about their appearance when their jeans suddenly split. Next time you’re having a horrible day, remember to take some time to practice self love. For more information on body positivity I highly recommend visiting the Body Positivity Australia website. For all of you out there who have had those days where you feel like your body image is in a hole, I hope you picture me splitting my jeans and have a giggle, it could be worse. As always I hope my experience can bring a smile to your face and remind you that we are all human.